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18th Apr 2018

18 Reasons Why Jesus Was Definitely 100% Irish

James Fenton

It’s fair to say we’ve always had an affinity with Jesus Christ here in Ireland.

Like most celebs who we’re fond of, we get great excitement out of finding out they’ve got Irish roots.

Barack Obama, Ed Sheeran, Conan O’Brien, if they’ve ever hinted at having a Irish granny, they were one of ours. Even Jack Charlton made a career out of making Irishmen out of people born overseas.

After doing some thinking for the time of year that’s in it, we reckon Jesus is just as Irish as any of the people mentioned above…

1. Nobody spoke about how he was conceived

“Look, let’s not ask. It’s best that way.

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2. His mother thought he was God

And she was constantly bragging to her mates about him.

3. He loved telling stories

He’d the gift of the gab, so he did.

4. He hung around with a big gang of lads

There would have been some craic on that Whatsapp group.

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5. He had a great big beard and long hair

He wouldn’t be out of place sipping craft beer in the Bernard Shaw.

6. He was a carpenter

“Get out there Jesus and get a trade…”

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7. He did what everyone asked of him

“Have ya asked Jesus? He’ll sort ya out for sure.”

8. He could turn water into wine

For when it’s too late to go to the offo.

9. He fed loads of people with a bit of bread and some fish

Like Irish parents have been doing for generations.

10. He lived at home until his mid-thirties

“Any fear of ya finding a place, Jesus?”

11. He liked spreading gossip

“Wait til ya here what me da was telling me…”

12. He ran into a lake to prove he could walk on water

“Hold my beer.”

13. He hated bankers

Like the rest of us.

14. He went out with the lads the night before he died

Last supper? More like stag do.

15. He even brought the whole gang

“There’s a fierce amount of us, but I can’t leave Doubting Thomas out, shit buzz as he is.”

16. Even though there was one bad egg

They all would have been bitching about Judas while out smoking.

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17. His last request was for a drink

“Feck it, I’ve time for ‘the one’.”

18. Finally, he disappeared for three days over a long weekend

Before sheepishly embarking on the walk of shame.

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