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18th Nov 2019

Jacob’s is introducing ‘biscuit insurance’ to protect you from biscuit thieves

Brian Dillon


We didn’t know we needed biscuit insurance until now.

This Christmas, Jacob’s is launching the world’s first-ever biscuit insurance to safeguard your tin from biscuit thieves.

Because apparently around this time of year, biscuit-related crimes sky-rocket. According to Jacob’s, customers regularly report increased biscuit theft incidents over the Christmas period. Jaysus, nobody is safe these days.

Well, they have now come up with a solution: biscuit insurance.

I know what your thinking: “How the hell does biscuit insurance work?”. Because so am I.

Customers can go online to share their traumatic biscuit stealing experiences to be in with a chance to to be compensated with a replacement Jacob’s Elite seasonal tin.

Jacobs biscuit insurance

Marketing Communications Manager at Valeo Foods Angela Harding explained:

“This year, with new Elite Chocolate Tea Cakes now part of the seasonal range, they are especially at risk of theft. Jacob’s Elite Biscuit Insurance offers fans peace of mind this Christmas, so remember – when the biscuit thieves invade, we’ll come to your aid!”

Well, there you have it. Gone are the days of suffering horrific biscuit-related crimes at the hands of greedy family and friends.

No more biscuit deficit. Because you can get insured against that now. What a time to be alive.