Sales is the most important function of any business – we all know that, or at least we all spend a certain amount of our time trying to convince ourselves of it.
And while it takes all sorts to make up an industry as mad as this one, there are certain things we all have in common.
How many of these are you guilty of?
1. You know everything about the weather from making small talk with hundreds of people
2. Friday afternoon is pointless – because nobody makes any sort of decision
3. You go to bed most nights thinking about targets and dream about them all night
4. You have a fancy job title to hide the fact you are selling to people
5. You dream that one day you'll walk in and the sales will just start flowing in like magic without you having to do any work
6. Getting a big sale is like a drug
7. None of the other idiots in the company could do your job
8. And there wouldn't be a company were it not for you and your sales. You run the show like a boss
9. Spreadsheets, always looking at bloody spreadsheets
10. The ever-increasing targets mean you're never quite at the top of that hill
11. You know your sales are paying for your boss's holiday in the Caribbean
But you don't care, because SALES, MORE SALES.
12. And nothing feels worse than when your colleagues are getting sales and you can't sell shit
13. You're on first-name terms with every receptionist in the country
14. You're sick of having to dress smarter than everybody at work because you have to constantly go to meetings
I want a hoodie. Hmph.
15. Sometimes you hit your targets early and just say "Fuck it, I'm going to sit here and read the internet because I've earned it"
16. When you tell people your job this is what they think you do
17. When the reality is this
18. You'd rather go without clothes than without a business card
19. You don't trust one single person or what they are saying
And you know they don't trust you.
20. You look forward to calling that one company with the great hold music
21. You relish getting any sort of sales call yourself, and test the person on the other end of call – but make sure never to buy from them
22. You never take no as an answer in business. Never
23. At the end of the day though, you work in sales because you're a winner. Nobody will ever beat you!