So as we face back into work after a 4 week food, drink and craic bonanza amongst friends I thought I'd try an equip you for the big return to speaking corporate. Below are some of the bullshit business buzzword terms which you may have forgotten the meaning of while spending time in the real world amongst friends away from the working world.
7. Boil The Ocean
This means let's try and not do everything in one go. I don't have a huge hatred of this but some of my friends regard this with absolute disdain.
6. Low Hanging Fruit
This can also be referred to as 'quick wins'. Another classic buzzword term but not the worst by any means. It's an easy and quickly achievable goal.
5. High Level View
If I had a Euro for every time I heard this I'd be able to buy a round in Temple Bar (well just about with those €7 pints!). Reserved for people who don't have the capacity or sometimes the patience to dive deep.
4. Deep Dive
After scrolling past all the sea related terms I finally found a few sources which seem to suggest it that doing a 'deep dive' is just do lots of research on a topic. Could they not just say in the first place 'can you research x'?
3. Seek Best Practice
In managements' eyes this is go away and research what competitors are doing. But I'm told in reality this is code for go away for a week and do fuck all.
2. Staff Realignment
Pretty sure this is just a euphemism for sackings. Sorry for using this alarming word as you venture back into a new year of work.
1. Helicopter View
Or "John tell me what's the view like from 30,000 feet". In plain English give me a summary where you are with 'x' project?
Please feel free to post below any of your most hated buzzword terms, words or corporate war stories. Before I leave you, spare a thought for a friend in a big consulting firm whose group was treated to one of the Gladiator movie scenes and a battle cry from their firm- 'When we all lock our shields together we get work done'.