The basic B’s guide to Love Island episode 33

Fiona Frawley

I’d like to start off this morning with an apology, because I genuinely had no idea Mary and Dale had gotten married.

It must have been a really small ceremony, but congratulations to them all the same. Are they registered anywhere? Will I just play it safe and send a toaster kettle combo? Poor Abi had no idea either, and was as baffled as the rest of us by the fury Mary unleashed after the re-coupling.

It couldn’t have happened to a worse person, it’s now clear Abi’s ruthless get-what-I-want vibe when she first came into the villa was a pure fluke, and since then she’s been solidifying her status as one of the most genuinely harmless contestants in Love Island history. Not only did she immediately give Dale the go ahead to sleep out on the day beds with Mary, she basically said “sorry for interrupting” when she caught them shifting on the terrace minutes after the re-coupling and then apologised while crying with guilt to Mary for splitting them up. Are we missing something, or didn’t the two girls agree they’d both crack on with Dale and see how it went? Anyway, best not spend much more time talking about it, as Mary will probably be sent home to her awaiting PLT and eyelash extension deals by the end of the next episode.

Mary, just leave the villa. The modelling scouts will be waiting for you at Heathrow. Aaron will probably be there too but ignore him #LoveIsland

— 𝕱𝖎𝖆𝖘𝖈𝖆.* 𝚆𝙽𝙲 (@uncletypewriter) August 3, 2021

After whatever that was, the other couples sat in cosy corners and talked about how happy they were to be back together. For the most part. Tyler spoke to the boys about how hard it’d be for him to give Clarisse 100%. Tyler, just do exactly what you did in Casa Amor and you’ll be absolutely grand! You’ve got this. Side note, if I have to see Jake withholding emotional vulnerability from Liberty whilst still forcing it out of her, so help me I’m scaling that villa wall.

Not Jake teasing the "I love you" with Liberty…..you DOG! You are LUCKY to be breathing the same air as her! #LoveIsland

— Bolu Babalola is technically on leave 🍯&🌶 (@BeeBabs) August 4, 2021

Next up was a challenge where everyone shifted and got paint thrown on them. For the sake of all our emotional wellbeing, let’s skip that and move on.

In the evening, Tyler pulled Kaz for a chat. He misses her and can’t continue the charade of getting to know Clarisse. Honestly, you’d swear someone forced this woman upon him and that he had no say in the matter. While they were up on the terrace and Kaz was telling him the door was open “a crack”, sure wasn’t Clarisse right inside the door straightening her hair? The timing couldn’t be worse. Tyler pulled Clarisse to let her know he was no longer interested, and she was not happy. Obviously, it’s not about Tyler. It’s about the humiliation of the whole affair. She’s an absolute ride, and went on national tv to be rejected by a guy who wasn’t even her first option. Looking like us back in our hospitality work days when we used to head in for our shift on the wrong day she seethed, “I could be at home right now”. She popped her heels off (presumably because you’re not allowed to fly with them on) and left.

Clarisse has never been rejected in her LIFE and it shows #LoveIsland pic.twitter.com/kTUQfJkDVF

— Andréa. 🌺 (@andrayuhh_xo) August 4, 2021

Finally, the text came to let islanders know there’d been a public vote, and three couples are vulnerable: Sam and Mary, Clarisse and Tyler and Amy and Hugo. The islanders will pick one boy and one girl to save. My bets are on Tyler and possibly Mary? There’s the potential they might want to save their pal Hugo, but I’m sure even they’d agree his free holiday is over at this stage. We’ll see tonight.