Search icon


06th Aug 2021

The basic B’s guide to Love Island episode 34

Fiona Frawley

Why do the producers seem insistent on hurting Teddy?

I simply don’t know how much longer I can watch. Obviously I’ll continue watching every night but like.. you know. It hurts.

Let’s rewind back to the start, where the islanders had to decide which boys and girls from the least popular couples as voted by the public would go home. If you haven’t seen the results yet, now’s your chance to look away.

Okay. I think we all predicted who would be saved, right? The boys saved Mary, maybe to be sound to Dale, maybe just because she’s nice to look at and the boys saved Tyler for Kaz. Poor old Sam, he never really stood a chance and Hugo? I think even the girls know it’d be wrong to give him anymore time in there. Chap has had more than enough chances, and we simply can’t hear any more of him appropriating catchphrases he’s heard from his second year PE class. Painful.

Millie sat Liam down to let him know he’d be sleeping in her bed tonight again, but there’d be no touching (shout out to George Bluth) or kissing. Honestly, does anyone care? You’re going to take him back, this production of How To Forgive Your Cheating Boyfriend in Ten Days is of no interest to any of us.

Meanwhile, we were treated to what, in my humble opinion, was one of the finest tv moments in Love Island history. Just as Kaz was settling into her role of being chased by two boys (100% don’t blame her by the way, enjoyable position to be in), Matthew sat her down and broke it off with a speech so succinct and effective, I reckon people will get extracts of it tattooed on their ribs for years to come.

Would there be anything to be said for a little hottie coming in for Matthew? Arguably he could be too pure for the villa, he gives me distant cousin you bump into in the local on Stephen’s Night vibes. You talk about his travels around South East Asia for a while, and then he shows you screenshots of the ring he’s planning to propose to his girlfriend of ten years with. You know the guy. I know he and Abi chatted briefly, but I don’t see anything happening there. Just another edition of rejected islanders trying to convince themselves they have a connection with each other just to feel alive. God bless em.

Finally, we found out the islanders were being treated to a movie night. I thought I was excited for this, but as usual the producers chose cruelty and devastation rather than chaos. Obviously we wanted Liberty to see evidence of Jake being his true villainous self, but in the form of him egging the lads on to cheat, not saying he’s not that attracted to her. Is #BeKind just a t-shirt design at this stage or what?

Next up was the clip of Faye disclosing she doesn’t think Teddy is that funny, and spooning Sam in bed. Obviously, that’s bad. But she made it so much worse by cackling like one of the hyenas from Lion King the whole time it was playing. We know Faye is insecure and a card-carrying self sabotager, and was just laughing because she was nervous, but it wasn’t a good move. There’s only so much your insecurities can excuse you for, and poor old Teddy has had to put up with a bit too much at this stage. The preview for tonight showed some pretty intense arguing between the two… do we reckon they’ll survive it? Are we still rooting for Feddy? I don’t know what to think anymore, gals.

Header image via Instagram/Love Island 

READ NEXT: One of Ireland’s most iconic comedy festivals is going ahead this year!