That’s mad, Ted.
Instagram can be a treasure trove of hilarity, but only if you know where to look.
If your home feed is filled with selfie after posed selfie, filtered to bits and captioned “live, laugh, love”, then you’re doing it wrong.
I’m sure such accounts have their appeal but for me personally at least, I’d much rather fill my social media with things that make me smile to myself and think “could you get more Irish than that?”.
One account doing it very, very right is @irish_hand_dryer_reviews.
And yes, it does EXACTLY what it says on the tin.
Reviews stem mostly from places in and around Dublin, though there are ones from Waterford, Meath and Louth too.
Hand dryers are rated on three factors, culminating in an overall score. Air pressure, air temperature and aesthetics are all taken into account before a final score is given.
So far, 20 hand dryers have been reviewed. Below you'll find some of the best and worst.
The top spot went to the hand dryer in Arthur's Pub on Thomas Street. Giving it an 8.8 out of 10, it was praised for its "power, efficiency and professionalism". God, we Irish…we’re gas aren’t we?
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Location: Arthur's Pub Thomas Street, Dublin Air Pressure: 9/10 Air Temperature: 8/10 Aesthetics: 8.2/10 Overall: 8.8/10 It's rare I have butterflies in my stomach when writing a review and thinking back to the moment I used a hand dryer but I can safely say this is one of those times. Like many of us we all worry and begin #PrayingForADyson when entering a bathroom but this beautifully crafted ATC Premium Blade Hand Dryer gives @dyson a run for their money! As I walked downstairs to the bathroom in Arthur's Pub I grew weary with each step. "What hand dryer awaits me?" I thought to myself. As I was in a rather pessimistic mood I wasn't feeling positive about what dryer would greet me on the other side. I gently opened the bathroom door and could immediately feel both corners of my lips moving to the outer edges of my face, a smile. While my smile was in full swing I gazed at the beauty that stood before me. Shackled proudly to the wall in front of me was a gorgeous ATC. It's sleek elegant design nearly brought tears to my eyes and immediately my urge to urinate vanished. As no urination was now required I went straight to the sink, washed my hands and approached the dryer. Without hesitating I placed both hands into the dryer. The LED countdown screen began. 15 seconds. The air pressure immediately kicked in and engulfed both hands with a beautifully warm temperature. 12 seconds. A blue UV light danced delicately around my palms and fingers as they moved up and down in the dryer. 8 seconds. Moisture on hands is virtually gone but I don't want this to end. 0 seconds. At this stage both my left and right hand was dry and the 15 seconds were more than sufficient for drying however to my delight when the countdown reached 0 the hand dryer continued. I treated myself to what I estimated to be a further 5 seconds of drying time and removed both hands. As I left the bathroom I turned and took one more glance at the machine in awe of it's power, efficiency and professionalism and walked back up the stairs. @arthurs_blues_and_jazz_club @dyson #dublin #dublinpubs #dublincity #ireland #hygeine #handdryer #dyson #atc #PrayingForADyson
Other top scores went to this jungle gem in Leixlip along with the first dryer to be reviewed which were awarded 8.2/10 and 7/10 respectively.
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Location: Town, Main St, Leixlip, Co. Kildare Air Pressure: 8/10 Air Temperature: 6/10 Aesthetics: 8.5/10 Overall: 8.2/10 Ladies and gentlemen to say I'm proud to post about this beautifully presented Robus R1350-HSD would be an understatement. I had spotted the dryer nestled comfortably between the foliage when I first walked into the bathroom and was immediately taken aback by how majestic the combination of modern technology and nature looked on the wall. For once I was not actually #PrayingForADyson In this moment my bladder could wait. All that mattered was experiencing this hand dryer. Excreting urine was no longer my primary focus. I hurriedly washed my hands so the drying could commence. To me the design of the Robus was beautiful. The balance between the bulbus metallic top and the jet black bottom was perfect. Admittedly the juxtaposition of the dryer and the shrubbery may have given it an unfair advantage in this case but in that moment it all seemed perfect and I wanted it reflected in my rating. I placed my two hands underneath the dryer. I had to move a branch or two that was in the way which annoyed me slightly but was a small price to pay! Immediately the Robus worked it's magic and I was greeted by a blue light that lit up to guide me to the most ideal hand position for them to be dried. The air pressure was extremely strong and I could actually see the skin on my hands being pushed by the air. Admittedly what let this dryer down slightly in my opinion was the temperature of the air itself. While forceful, the air was slightly cold with a hint of warmth. All in all the Robus did its job and then some and I think we can all agree in an ideal world all hand dryers should be presented in a fashion similar to this. @town_leixlip @dyson #robus #dublin #dublinpubs #dublincity #ireland #leixlip #kildare #hygeine #handdryer #dyson #atc #PrayingForADyson
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Location: Delaney's Pub Smithfield Air Pressure: 8.5/10 Air Temperature: 5/10 Aesthetics: 6.5/10 Overall: 7/10 An absolute pleasure to start off this Instagram page by reviewing this little gem in Delaney's pub. The airforce by World Dryer boasts 'high speed and low energy' and after using I can confirm this to be correct. The air pressure was extremely forceful blowing away any remnants of moisture from both my left and right hand. Temperature of air pressure leaves a little bit to be desired however as it felt slightly on the cold side which added to the overall drying time. Although not as aesthetically pleasing as a @dyson V blade I found the shape and size extremely charming in its own right. All in all I'm extremely impressed with the airforce by World Dryer and was worth the trip to the bathroom. #prayingforadyson #ireland #dublin #dublinpubs #handdryer #delaneysirishpub #irishpubs #dublintown #hygeine #dyson
Bottom of the barrel was this hand dryer out in Skerries that earned a measly 0.5 out of 10. Bit harsh, no? Maybe, maybe not. But the line: "the masking tape cut me to my core and I couldn't breathe" seems to justify the decision.
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Location: Skerries Sailing Club, Dublin Air Pressure: 0/10 Air Temperature: 0/10 Aesthetics: 1/10 Overall: 0.5/10 ************DISCLAIMER************** Although it pains me to share such a graphic image of hand dryer neglect I feel it's important that all hand dryer enthusiasts are confronted with such images in order to make sure this doesn't happen to the next generation of dryers. *************************************** Having sampled the delights of many dryers I began seeing the same models over and over in different establishments. I find repitition and monotony extremely comforting however when it comes to dryers I need variety and this can be lacking in Ireland. The need to sample a new range of dryers became overwhelming and succumbed my natural survival instincts for food and water. After a week of these thoughts I became extremely malnourished. I had only eaten 2 sprigs of dry spaghetti and drank a droplet of water from a discarded ashtray I found 4 days previous. Not having the essential nutrients in my body for survival my thoughts were racing. Not thinking straight I felt that leaving this island by boat would allow me to try new and exotic dryers. After hours of walking I arrived at the sea. I looked behind me and saw a yacht club. Perhaps I could learn from the patrons and set sail. As I went inside two men looked at me anxiously and hurriedly walked away as I said "Sail to a dryer?". I didn't feel welcome and decided to enter the bathroom to regain my composure and was shocked by what I saw. A decrepit R2600EAT-01 by Robus was left on the wall. Taking one look I immediately ran to the cubicle and excreted the remanants of my stomach acid through my mouth while #PrayingForADyson. The masking tape cut me to my core and I couldn't breathe. Before even washing my hands I placed them beneath the dryer to see what state it was in and was appalled. The dryer was no longer in working order. I had always wondered what kind of people would allow for a beautiful dryer to be left in complete disrepair and can now unfortunately state the answer. Sailors. I ran from the club knowing my reviews in Ireland must continue. @dyson @robuslighting_
So, there you have it-the good, the bad and the ugly of Irish hand dryers. Do what you will with it.