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24th Dec 2019

11 classically Irish rows that happen to every family over Christmas

Darragh Berry

‘Tis the season to get angry, fa-la-la-la-laaaaa, fa-la-la-la.

There’s so much pressure to have everything 100 per cent during the festive holidays that it’s only inevitable that someone or something is going to get under your skin.

A Christmas fight happens so easily, it can literally start over the smallest thing that on another day wouldn’t even cross your mind.

A lot of these are going to sound very familiar…

1. The ‘TV’ fight

“I don’t want to watch that. Stick on the football. Feck the lot of ye, I’m going out to the kitchen,” and thus begins the family divide.

2. The ‘Gift’ fight

“You don’t like that t-shirt I got you. Well if you do why aren’t you wearing it right now? You ungrateful little beeeeep.” Whether you get two or 22 new items of clothing, make sure to wear the ones your family bought you around them.

Also likely to occur when one person gets an unreal gift for their sibling but in return gets a €10 Boots voucher.

3. The ‘Food’ fight

You struggle to know what to eat before Christmas Day because everything in the cupboards seems to be off limits. “Don’t touch that” and “that’s not for you” followed by a slap on the hand is normally the beginning of it.

You’ll try and rob a roastie on Christmas Day while everything else is being finalised but don’t let your mam see you…because if she does:


You’re allowed these selection boxes, but not those selection boxes because they’re for guests. NOBODY EVER VISITS THOUGH, DAD.

Of course, don’t forget the classic: “Did you eat the last Galaxy?” while they hold up the empty wrapper that you threw back into the box. Now there’s only Bountys left, oh what have you done?

4. The ‘Visiting’ fight

You eat your body weight in food and the only thing you want to do is lie around sitting in your food-coma state. Then, someone says put your shoes on, we’re going visiting or worse, “help me clean all these dishes, Mary and John are coming over and we can’t have the house looking like this”.

5. The ‘Game’ fight

You know how much trouble it causes but you just had to cheat, didn’t you? You’re after robbing your little sister out of €400 in Monopoly.

Shame on you.

6. The ‘Everything Has Started To Annoy You’ fight

“What are you looking at me for? Stop looking at me. Do you always breathe like you’re DONKEY FROM SHREK?”

People have a bubble and it will get burst around the Christmas Day.

7. The ‘I Can’t Believe You Broke That’ fight

The house is just so crowded at Christmas time that it’s hard to even make a 360 in the place without flinging something off a counter.

But yet, because it’s Christmas, EVERYTHING seems valuable.

“I can’t believe you broke my (very insignificant, cost me €3 and ugly AF) salt shaker.”

8. The ‘Oh, BTW I’m Heading Out Tonight’ fight

This one will be quick (because you’ll say it just as you’re reaching for the door) but more painful than any other fight.

Your family will be shocked/disappointed/angry/hurt all at once. “You didn’t get up on Christmas Eve until 4pm because you were ‘dying’ and now you’re pissing off on Stephen’s Day?”

Prepare for a look from your mother that’s extremely over the top and looks something like this…


The quintessential family feud.

9. The ‘Drink’ fight

“I don’t care whether it’s JC’s birthday or your own fecking birthday, 8:38am is too early to crack open ‘a cold one’ as you so pleasantly put it.”

10. The ‘Time’ fight

What time will we open presents at? What time are we getting up at? What time are we going to mass at? What time are we going to the pub at? What time are we leaving the pub?

Just chill the fuck out, jeez.

11. The ‘You Just Relax There And Do Sweet FA’ fight

You didn’t help with the dinner. You didn’t help with the wash up. What exactly are you bringing to the family this Christmas? Considering your presents were shite also.