Christmas is now officially less than four weeks away, and all over the country families will gather for another precious season of joy and merriment. Until someone eats all the good Roses out of the box.
We've all heard these things in our house around Christmas time, and you'll certainly hear a few of them this year as well.
1. "Cheers granny, that's exactly what I needed!"
You say through gritted teeth.
2. "Who keeps putting the wrappers back in the box?"
Definitely not me.
3. "It'll be a big bag of coal for you this year if you keep this up!"
I promise I will never do anything bad again.
4. "The roads are fierce bad this year..."
Just like they were last year, and the year before that.
5. "Mam this stuffing is unreal, where did you buy it?"
Because you definitely didn't make it yourself.
6. "You can open ONE present on Christmas Eve."
And we never take that at its word.
7. "Who drank all the fecking Shloer?"
Why don't we drink this shit all year?
8. "Not another Lynx set"
Every year. Every single year.
9. "Make sure and leave some turkey (and a glass of whiskey) for Santa"
Sure it'll pass the night quicker for him.
10. "I used to get an orange in my stocking and I was delighted!"
How many times have we heard this one?
11. "Anyone want dessert? Anyone?"
Bodies lying everywhere in the living room, in a food and booze coma.
12. "I think I'll have a turkey sandwich lads."
Or maybe a turkey curry?
13. "Did you hear Johnny is home from Oz?"
Would ya stop? He is not is he?
14. "Who ate all the toffee pennies already?"
Ah stop they were only opened five minutes ago
15. "Mam is that not the gift aunt Mary got you for your birthday last month?"
Feck I thought no-one would notice.
16. "You're not going out AGAIN are you?"
'Tis the session to be jolly.
17. "I'm sick of doing this all by myself, next year one of you lazy hoors can do the cooking"
Sure we wouldn't do it right if we tried to help.
18. "I really need to start the gym after Christmas"
And your enthusiasm slowly dies as you tuck into your seventh Cadbury's selection box.