36 Thoughts Every One Of Us Is Having During This Heatwave
THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAVA
Now we know we shouldn't complain about the weather... but is anyone else dying a slow and painful death due to the spectacular rise in temperature due to big yellow thing in the sky?
Yep, us too.
Wipe the droplets from your collective brow, friends, for we've put something together that will make you feel a lot less alone.
Sweaty brothers, unite!
1. Heatwave? YAAASSS! Free holiday!
Wait, I've to work in this?
2. Sweet baby JESUS, it's so hot
I'm going to have to go to work in togs, there's simply no other way.
3. Since when does my neck sweat?
4. What on Earth does one wear to work when the fiery pits of hell are falling down around us?
Anything that covers up sweat patches.
5. Where is the nearest ice bath?
I must plunge and never return.
6. Please don't make this shower end
You can't make me get out.
7. Must dry hair, must deal with hair dryer sweats
*continuous soft whining while blow-drying hair on coldest setting*
8. How am I already sunburnt?
I haven't left the house.
9. Is this towel covered in sweat or water?
Good God, I should be put down.
10. Wait, coffee. I need coffee to LIVE
BUT IT'S HOTTER THAN THE SUN
Lol, good one
12. *puts clothes on*
WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?
13. Okay, maybe if I walk really slowly then a tiny breeze will calmly aid me on my travels
It's not working.
How am I sweating more?!
14. *packs spare outfit in work bag*
A modern day Einstein, me.
15. Oh, hello pit stains
I haven't even left the house yet. This is new.
16. So I'm really going to work
This is really happening. Okay.
17. Will I even make it?
Or will I just melt into a sad puddle en route?
18. One... more... step
19. Okay so I can never take off my jacket ever, ever again
For fear of frightening the children.
20. Everything is moist
*drops piece of paper due to clammy hands*
21. I wonder if anyone would notice if I crawled into the fridge briefly
Just for like a second.
22. How long can I linger around the fridge until I get escorted out?
*sticks hand in ice machine*
23. Mmm, sweaty upper lip
24. I need eight ice-creams for lunch
25. OMFG A BREEZE
EVERYONE SHUT UP THERE'S A BREEZE
26. Sweet glorious wind I will never complain about you again!
My pits! My hair!
27. Well, that's that then
If anything, I'm hotter than before.
28. My face is melting
I have no face.
29. Oh sweet, and now my thighs are stuck to my chair
So long, movement.
30. Is that man wearing A SCARF?
Does he have a death wish??
31. *abandons all shame and buys a hat with fan attached*
DON'T LOOK AT ME. I'VE SEEN PAIN.
32. Oh Jesus Christ, I need a drink
*Googles 'coldest drink in the world'*
33. Quitting time, I must go back to my freezing lair
Or pit of frozen liquids. Either or.
34. Can someone please purchase a packet of peas and gently place them on my face
Actually, maybe groin.
35. I don't know if I can make it home
The floor is lava. And I'm a fragile shard of beautiful ice.
36. Pints? Dear God yes
*slowly rises up out of seat in a way as to not squeak, slide or make noises that could be mistaken for flatulence*
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