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The Ultimate Outsider's Guide to Irish Small Talk

By clodagh

June 22, 2017 at 12:50pm

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Mastering the art of small talk is a skill. You can't be too enthusiastic, you can't reveal too much and God forbid you say what you actually mean.

These are the unspoken rules of small talk. Which can make it hard for an outsider to understand the inner-workings of an Irish small talk conversation.

So if you overhear us and think we're merely just talking about the weather, then think again...

1. "God, the weather is so crap today"

Translation: I have literally just arrived and have zero to say to you but the weather is an excellent conversation starter. Always.

2. "What do you have for lunch? That looks great"

Translation: There was no need to sit down beside me while eating and now I have to feign interest in your shitty salad.

3. "How's she cuttin'?"

Translation: How are you doing today, good sir?

4. "Well?"

Translation: A general invite to start a conversation. Interpret this as you wish.

5. "What are you up to these days?"

Translation: I haven't seen you in about five years and barely remember your name.

6. "G'luck to ya now"

Translation: I wish you no luck but wish you would leave my presence. Now. 

7. "Sure, look"

Translation: We both know there is nothing left to the conversation.

8. "Would you ever fuck off?"

Translation: You're my best friend and I love you. 

9. "Any plans for the weekend?"

Translation: I actually don't care about your plans and am secretly hoping you don't care about mine either. 

10. "How was your weekend?"

Translation: I have already forgotten your plans. 

11. "Isn't it just!"

Translation: I didn't hear what you said but I feel it's safe to agree with you.

12. "You know yourself"

Translation: You don't really get what I'm saying and I'm in no form to try explain myself any further. 

13. "Did you watch the news last night?"

Translation: Eileen will always give us something to talk about, God bless her. 

14. "The traffic is mental out there"

Translation: A conversation starter and a reason for why I'm late: win-win. 

15. "Ah, how are ya?"

Translation: I don't really care how you are, but I don't want to be rude. 

Well, did we leave out any crucial translations? Let us know in the comments!

READ NEXT: This Irish Hotel Was Just Voted The Best In Europe For Families

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