Auction rooms are treasure troves of the mysterious and majestic, a kind of place where your eye falls upon an object that you never knew you needed until that moment.
That's probably what it will be like at Matthews Auctioneers in Oldcastle on Saturday, who have “a Victorian carved ivory life-size realistically depicted penis” up for grabs.
The penis, which the auction rooms coyly calls a "ladies companion" is a hefty 8.5 inches.
Lot number 0475 comes with a charming description of the stone shaft's history and apparently a "forget-me-not in from an Old Anglo-Irish Military family – the Victorians had needs too, (especially while their men were at war).
“It’s very Fifty Shades of Grey and the genuine article.”
Let's just see that in closer detail, shall we?
The ivory antique doesn't come cheap (pleasure is never free my friends), with a reserve price of €500-€800.
Intriguing. Do you know anyone who would pay that?