Back in the good old days of limited TV and non-existent Wi-Fi, Irish schoolkids had to make up their own entertainment.
In a time of yore when the most exciting thing to happen was Zig & Zag, it’s only natural that a few brats made up some frankly quite ludicrous myths and playground legends.
Should we have known better? You betcha. Did we actually believe them? Of course.
Take a trip back to primary school and remember just how much of an idiot you really were for believing in all these…
1. Alien eggs gave birth to alien babies
I waited on these things FOR WEEKS. Weeks and weeks and weeks of checking my precious little alien eggs to see if they had spawned a new life form.
One playground rumour suggested the freezer, another kid told me it theirs had babies after they put their egg in the microwave, and jaysis did I try everything and anything to get these gooey plastic yokes to reproduce.
2. Buttercups could tell if you liked butter
First of all, this was Ireland in its biggest dairy phase – pretty sure ALL kids loved butter.
Secondly, why did we not get suspicious when every single person’s chin turned yellow? Why were we not smart enough to figure out light and reflection? Sigh.
3. Placing someone’s finger in water will make them wet the bed
I spent every childhood sleepover terrified to fall asleep in case someone tried to do this to me.
Fairly certain this started after some American kid’s book became popular, but the tricksters swore blind that you could make someone piss the bed if you placed their finger in a glass of water while they were sleeping.
This could be true – but I’m too scared to ever find out for myself.
4. Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years
Looking back, this was clearly a clever ruse created by a parent in order to put us snotty little brats off from chewing gum.
The thoughts of pink Hubba Bubba living in our guts for longer than we’d even be alive was enough to terrify us for a long, long time.
5. If you say ‘Bloody Mary’ six times a ghost will appear
The furthest we ever got to was a very brave five, before running away screaming.
Legend had it you had to say Bloody Mary six times in front of a mirror, which is when a bloody headed ghost would appear behind you. Why tf would anyone even want to try this?
6. Flames love test will tell you who you’re gonna marry
Sure look, at least it was a way to sort of practice maths, right?
Every class had a different love test that all the girls would go absolutely nuts over, and I’m ashamed to say that I took to heart every single result.
So devo when my name and the name of my school crush were deemed incompatible.
Jaysis we weren’t the brightest, were we? Although that love test is looking pretty good right now…