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An Irish Comedian Has Written Fungie The Dolphin An Open Letter And It’s So Gas

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Fungie, aka the gloriously shiny slippery sea mammal symbol of Ireland, is quite the celeb down in Dingle dontcha know.

People come to see him splash about from far and wide, but one Irish comedian, Steve Cahill, thinks that our precious dolphin is being took for a bit of a ride.

He’s written sweet Fungie an open letter with some pretty solid advice for surviving in the tough business of being Ireland’s best known dolphin, and it’s one of the funniest things we’ve seen all week.

As Steve says, “Let’s hope it reaches him in time.”

Here’s the letter in full:

“Dear Funghi,

I have met with some of your Mediterranean colleagues and some startling facts were uncovered. You really need to sit down whilst reading this.”

1. You’re underselling yourself big time, boy.

You’re French colleagues might be more tanned, better looking, more suave and work in much larger groups than you, but there’s no way they’re worth this much more than you. Cheeky divils. Rip off merchants. 

You need to raise your game in this department. The whole of the world can see you for the low price of €16. That almost a tenth of the price of your European counterparts.

Fungie

2. Working conditions

Seriously fella, get yourself a decent union and right for better wages. You’re the laughing stock of European dolphins. They wouldn’t put up with no days off, no annual leave, sole working conditions and the Irish weather. 

One dolphin asked me “Is he a bit touched, this Funghi?” when we spoke about you. You’ll get burned out working this much. Not even a smell of overtime or Sunday rates. Cop on lad, take this to the European courts of dolphin justice. 

You’ll win nose down.

3. Health & Safety

These guys work in line with the European working time act. They have a safe roster with a clean turnover and full maternity cover. There’s always an on call list so they can access adequate rest. You’re bursting your bollix all day, every day, and this will lead to exhaustion and dolphin burn-out.

I really hope you can take some of these facts with you to your boss Funghi. I’m seriously worried for your well being. Take care my bottle nosed friend and catch you soon.

Mind yourself lad, Stevie.

If someone knows Fungie can they send this on to him? We think Stevie’s on to something here. Cheers.

READ NEXT: WATCH: This Hilarious Sketch Shows The Difference Between Irish And Americans


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