The “COVID-23” movie is available to watch from today.
When this movie was first announced, it was greeted with the heavy, knowing sigh that a movie like this was going to be arriving eventually. But we didn’t think it would come so soon. And we certainly didn’t think that it would be produced by the Maestro of Mayhem, as Michael Bay (Transformers, Bad Boys, The Rock) is the man behind it. So there was already concerns that the movie wouldn’t be good, and to that end, we have a pleasant enough surprise to report. Songbird isn’t bad, it is just deathly dull.
Set in the 2024, in the aftermath of “COVID-23”, a pandemic with an incredibly high death rate, we follow courier Nico (K.J. Apa), a man who gets his top off more than most Abercrombie models. He is one of the “Munies”, a rare member of the population immune to the virus. He has a long-term relationship going with Sara (Sofia Carson), who must remain inside her apartment at all times with her frail grandmother, lest they get sick. So Nico and Sara have never actually met, the extent of their conversations is over the phone or through her front door, but okay, fine, we’ll go with it.
When the Department of Sanitation – headed by a hamming it up Peter Stormare – arrive in Sara’s apartment building to bring anyone even suspected of being sick to the “Q-Zone” (the movie says this a bad thing, and that is all the information we get on it), Nico speeds across the city to acquire some black-market immunity tags to make sure Sara can stay safe.
This is where we’re introduced to some rich folk who sell the tags (Demi Moore and Bradley Whitford), as well as Nico’s boss (Craig Robinson), not to mention his co-worker (Paul Walter Hauser) and the online performer he has a crush on (Alexandra Daddario). Under normal circumstances, this would seem like a very impressive cast for a low-budget thriller. Under these circumstances, it feels like the action-thriller equivalent of when all those movie stars were singing “Imagine” into their cameraphones. We get the intention, but it just hasn’t worked out the way you thought it would, and now it’s just embarrassing.
To the movie’s credit, it is somewhat technically impressive. Utilising the actual empty streets of Los Angeles, the sense of isolation near the start is reminiscent of slicker 28 Days Later, but once the actual plot elements click into place, the movie has nowhere else to go except run around in circles.
The real-world anxiety and fear caused by a pandemic is certainly there to be tapped into, but Songbird follows a tone much closer to The Purge, showing a world where normal rules don’t apply. Even that is somewhat interesting, but Songbird doesn’t actually do anything with it, as there is barely a single scene to raise the pulse. Watching a man ride a bike to get a bracelet isn’t exciting, it is just… footage.
There will eventually be some great movies made about the pandemic, from Oscar-magnets to exciting thrillers. But Songbird proves that just because you can be the first one off the starting block, it doesn’t mean you should be.
Songbird is released on Friday, December 11, available on PVOD and screened in a select number of Irish cinemas.
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