Relationship Expert Identifies This Key Behaviour As a Sign You’re About To Break Up

While December 11th is the most popular day of the year for break ups, we’re not out of the woods just yet. 

The festive break up phenomenon, known as the ‘turkey dump’ is a very real thing, with statistics showing that people are at least twice as likely to break up in the period around Valentine’s Day. 

Which is, you know, now. 

So how do you know if your relationship is headed for the rocks? 

Marriage expert John Gottman has identified four key behaviours that indicate things could be about to implode. 

1. Contempt 

It sounds pretty obvious – but you may be showing contempt without even realising it. Gottman’s definition of contempt is treating your own thoughts, opinions and needs as superior to your partner’s – something you may not even notice you’ve been doing. This, Gottman calls the “kiss of death”. 

2. Criticising 

Criticising is one thing, but aligning someone’s annoying behaviour with their personality spells big trouble. Eg. Your partner doesn’t do the dishes, and you say that he is lazy rather than his behaviour. 

3. Defensiveness 

Gottman says: ‘While you’re happy to criticise your partner on the regular, you won’t accept them pointing out the flaws in your own actions, and if they do this quickly enters into a very negative conversation.’

4. Stonewalling

If none of the above apply to your relationship, it may not necessarily be a positive thing. In fact, you may not be engaging with your partner at all. 

Gottman says: ‘When you see an argument beginning do you simply ignore them and walk away or pick up your phone to start scrolling? Remember, just because you don’t express your feelings, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist.’ 

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