46 Crippling Thoughts Everyone Who Didn’t Sleep Last Night Is Having Today

If, like the rest of us, you’re one of the 97% of the population who didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, then we feel for you.

We’re all in a sleepy boat of bad times and horrid feelings, but at least we’re all in it together.

And people who are chirpy in the morning are annoying anyway, so there’s that…

1. *alarm goes off after 1 hour 35 minute sleep*

What? No. Surely not? Whyyyyyy.

2. I must still be dreaming

I simply cannot be awake now. I feel terrible.

3. How is it this hot still? How?

Temperate climate? More like humid subtropical amirite. 

4. Work surely isn’t on today

It’s surely still one million degrees outside. Can’t anyone see how fragile I am?

5. *looks out window*

HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE ALREADY AWAKE.

6. No wait, this is a dream. 

Or a nightmare…

7. *snooze alarm goes off*

This is the worst day of my life.

8. *gets in shower* 

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUCKING HOT

9. So tired, must coffee

But coffee is warm and I am weak. 

10. What does one wear on the day they feel like they might pack it all in?

Oh and it’s humid, and raining. Great. 

11. Should probably pack a healthy lunch to keep my energy levels high

Lol, buying doughnuts en route.

12. Wonder if anyone will notice that I look like a slug 

And feel like an old withered tree.

13. Sunglasses

The people’s face mask.

14. *hears someone with my alarm tone as their ring tone*

WHAT I’M AWAKE STOP IT HELP ME WHY

15. Jesus this walk is taking three years

That looks like a comfy bench. Let me on that bench.

16. God these shoes are like restricting ENVELOPES for my feet

Let me be freeeeee.

17. Coffee for €8?

Yep, give me all of the coffee and I will give you all of the money. 

Please bathe me in it, just make sure it’s tepid.

18. Oh God – EMAILS

Irrelevant clusters of letters from people in the unknown. Who knows, they could be robots. 

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. 

19. I wonder if I can sleep in the bathroom for a minute

Or forty.

20. *falls asleep on loo seat for 8 minutes*

WoAH MY GOD I WONDER IF ANYONE NOTICED

21. *wipes droll off chin and saunters back to seat*

False alarm. And now we strut. 

22. I need approximately 2,042,374 hours of sleep

Or to die, yeah maybe die.

23. Think it’s time for snack number 6 of the day

Who am I kidding, we’re in double figures at this stage.

24. It’s not that warm today

HOW AM I STILL SWEATING

25. I feel like a mucky welly

Circa Oxegen ’06.

26. My limbs are weak like a baby T-Rex

Heavy head, little arms.

27. Wait, what is this feeling?

Sudden caffeine rush! YAASSSSSS!

28. Let’s get this shit DONE people!

Before my extremely limited time wears out.

29. Oh God, it’s happening. I’ve crashed…

Hold me.

30. If we ALL go back to bed, then there’s nothing they can do

Genius!

31. Someone definitely wouldn’t play ball, And that someone is Áine from Accounting

Wagon.

32. I’m cold, now I’m warm. I’m so full but I’m STARVING

If I wasn’t me I’d hate me.

33. The work day surely must be almost over at this sta…

10:41am?!

Is that some sort of joke?!

34. Is that sweat or tears on my face?

At this stage, WHO really knows?

35. *falls asleep in hand for 46 seconds*

Zzzzzz… FUCK. Awake! I’m awake! I promise!

36. If anyone goes to the bathroom at any stage today I will be LIVID

That is my private sanctuary full of solitude and salvati…

37. …Adam’s just fucking swooped in like a pterodactyl. 

IS NOTHING SACRED?

38. Why all the dinosaur references?

Oh God, my poor brain.

39. Time to spend the next 40 minutes plotting his death

Just virtually beating someone with a rusty tap, wbu?

40. Okay, back to pretending I’m doing work

Can do. Thanks brain, you got me.

41. I’ve never noticed how similar work’s website is to Facebook

Well, that’s me done. 

42. *spends six hours straight on social*

Phew, long day.

So long losers!

43. And now, we wine

Huzzah for the barkeep! (me)

44. *three hours pass guzzlin’*

Time for bed.

But wait, how am I so fully awake?!

45. I could run a marathon right now

Or go to the gym.

Lol, nah.

46. Oh God, it’s happening

WHY GOD WHYYYYYYY

Why do the ones we love hurt us the most?

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