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The 12 Characteristics Of All Irish Best Mates

By James Fenton

March 29, 2017 at 3:33pm


1. Your parents see them as just another family member

They're allowed stroll in and out at their leisure.

2. Nobody insults you more

'Tis all in good fun.

3. They believe getting you drunk is a surefire way of cheering you up

Which is only half true. 

4. You can never unfriend them because they've got so much dirt on you

The world doesn't need to know these things.

5. You have a secret language

Which is gobbledegook to everyone else.

6. They always tag along on your family holidays

Do they even need to be asked?

7. People don't invite you places 'cos they have to invite them too

Leaving you forever alone. Together, which is fine.

8. They've woken up in your house more times than you'd care to count

90% of nights out end in a sleepover. 

9. You constantly bicker at each other on a night out 

Leaving everyone else wondering if you're a couple. 

10. You've been shushed in the cinema

Because this particular piece of gossip cannot wait. 

11. Your heart breaks if they sit next to someone else on a bus

You've lost them forever.

12. And finally, you share a song 

Nobody else is allowed to claim it. 

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