Here’s Why You Haven’t Seen Any Martin’s Life Lately

katedemolder

Been noticing a serious lack in modern rural Irish comedy from your life lately?

You are not alone, my friend. We all have.

And Martin’s Life creator has decided to take us out of our misery and inform us as to why we haven’t seen the incredible series brighten up the internet as of late.

The writer, producer and brains behind the operation wishes to remain anonymous, but wrote a blog on his WordPress stating his case.

Imagine you’re stuck in a lift overnight with yerman from work who tells bad jokes that no-one laughs at.

And now imagine you are yerman from work who tells bad jokes that no-one laughs at -and you’re stuck in a lift with yourself overnight and you’re thinking – oh god I know yerman is thinking “oh jesus I’m stuck in a lift overnight with yerman from work who tells bad jokes that no-one laughs at”. (and you’re both naked).

That’s what writing is like. (except for the naked part that’s got nothing to do with it)

The process goes like this: you sit in front of the laptop for three weeks going through five thousand stupid boring ideas in your head, until finally you think of something that makes you laugh yourself. Then you write it down. And it looks a bit less funny already.

Then you show it to someone and they don’t laugh at all – instead they make a face.

Not just a face like ‘oh that’s not very funny’, but a face like they were out at a really fancy restaurant on their birthday waiting for a five-star-michelin-award-winning meal and the waiter comes with a huge bowl of cold porridge and birdshit mixed together (with a few sultanas).

So you have to scrap that idea and start on the next five thousand ideas.

It’s like looking for a needle in haystack. Not like an old-fashioned haystack – I mean a proper wrapped up tightly inside in black plastic bail of hay. And instead of needles, you’re trying to find 20 cent pieces – which are the same colour as the hay and you probably won’t find any and the people that you live with will go mad cos there’ll be hay all over the house.

But – just say you get lucky and you find €2 worth of 20 cents pieces in the bail of hay. Then you take that down to the shop to buy a pack of chewing gum and an apple and the man behind counter says that nine out of the ten coins you gave him are fake. And you say, how could they be fake? – they’re 20 cent coins! – I found them in a bail of hay! And the man says look I dont know about that but I can’t give you an apple and chewing gum – you only have 20 cents. And you say ya grand whatever I don’t want any chewing gum it gives me diarrhoea so I’m not supposed to eat it and that apple is all bruised and I hope your shop burns down tonight.

Anyway, the point is I decided that I hate writing so much that I’m going to do loads more of it. A full-blown cartoon comedy series. An Irish Family Guy. A cartoon Seinfeld. Whatever your favourite thing is, it’s going to be like that.

It could take about four hundred years to do and then end up being ‘Something a bit like Martin’s Life with the Arse Dragged Out of It’ and everyone will say he should have just left it alone, but anyway.

And you’re there thinking why doesn’t he just actually do it instead of writing stupid blogs?

Ya well, piss off and make your own cartoon.