Antrim
“Personally, I think The Burren is far more spectacular than the Giant’s Causeway”
Armagh
“Ye’ve only won ONE All-Ireland?!”
Carlow
“Ah, Carlow. We always stop there for a toilet break on road trips.”
Cavan
“Ya wouldn’t lend us a Euro, would ya?”
Clare
“Isn’t that where Trump has his hotel?”
Cork
“I think Dublin is doing a fine job as Ireland’s capital city, don’t you?”
Derry
“So how old would Nadine Coyle be these days?”
Donegal
“There’d be nicer scenery down the south of the country, I’d say.”
Down
“I went UP to DOWN there, so I did! Hahaha, gaaaaaas.”
Dublin
“Yeah, sounds good, Cuz. Will I meet ya in Coppers, so?”
Fermanagh
“Is that beside Monaghan?”
Galway
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I never saw nothin’ like a Galway girl!” (preferably belted out in an extremely slurred, drunken manner).
Kerry
“You know how you guys used to be good at football..?”
Kildare
“So what part of Dublin are you from?”
Kilkenny
“Love that place, I’m thinking of having my stag there.”
Laois
“What’s the best way out of here after Electric Picnic?”
Leitrim
“When’s that second set of traffic lights coming in?”
Limerick
“To be fair, the Irish rugby team wouldn’t have won half as much without their reliable Leinster contingent.”
Longford
“It looks like such a gorgeous little county. I mean, whenever I pass by it on the Sligo to Dublin train.”
Louth
“Pint of Harp? No, thanks.”
Mayo
“Has that curse been lifted yet, or wha’?”
Meath
“Would ya be a mate of that Hector eejit?”
Monaghan
“Is that beside Fermanagh?”
Offaly
“Obama says the place is shite.”
Roscommon
“How did the Marriage Equality vote go?”
Sligo
“Giz a few bars of Westlife, there.”
Tipperary
“So, how many times have Kilkenny beaten you in an All-Ireland final again?”
Tyrone
“No All-Ireland’s since 2008, Mickey Harte’s time is up, surely?”
Waterford
“What the fuck is a blaa?”
Westmeath
“I mean, there wouldn’t really be any internationally famous boy band members from Westmeath, would there?”
Wexford
“‘Dancing At The Crossroads?’ God, I hated that song.”
Wicklow
“Lovely county. I’ve never really been past Bray but lovely county.”
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