Sure, everyone has their awkward moments - forgetting someone’s name, doing the dance to figure out how to get past someone on the street, tripping up and pretending nothing happened.
But there are some awkward moments that seem to be particular to Irish people. This is largely due to the unfortunate juxtaposition of our fear of coming across as impolite and our general hatred for social interactions
We’ve all experienced moments like…
1. Not wanting to make eye contact with someone you know on the bus
Then you’d have to spend the rest of the journey making small talk with them. Ugh. Would rather be anti-social on my phone, thanks.
2. Missing flu season because then you don’t have to shake hands during mass
You reach out, but the other person is busy shaking someone else’s hand. Rejected.
3. When someone says “how are you?” as you pass them in the street, and you try to figure out if you should stop and reply
And is it rude not to ask them back? You have two seconds to decide.
4. Saying “you too” when someone wishes you happy birthday
And it’s not even their birthday.
5. When you go out for dinner with your mates and some people have cash and the others have card
Goddamn restaurants with their ‘no splitting bills’ policy
6. Turning down the offer of cup of tea only and the other person accepting this.
It’s polite to say no the first time. We do want tea. Everyone should know that.
7. Meeting someone you only know because they’re friends with your friends on Facebook
But pretending you’ve never heard of them because you don’t want to appear like a stalker. Ireland is just a really small place.
8. Avoiding getting taxis alone because of the politics
Is it rude to sit in the back when you’re by yourself? But sitting up front feels weird. And you’re not in the mood to talk about the weather and the feckin’ politicians.
9. “Sorry?” “What was that?” That’s it. You’re fucked.
You can only ask someone to repeat themselves twice.
10. When you try to tag off with your Leap Card at the Dart, but miss the doors opening
You’re just standing there, hoping the person behind you will let you go through with them
11. Waving to someone on a country road, and not getting a wave back
Or being the other person and realising too late how rude you seemed.
12. Feeling the need to say “it’s from Penneys!” every time someone compliments your clothes
Wouldn’t want them thinking you’re buying clothes from somewhere expensive