12 Fantastically Shit Valentine’s Day Gifts You Can Buy
Buy me heart mittens so I know it's forever
Valentine's Day has the potential to bring out the good, bad and the absolutely ridiculous in us all – in positive and negative ways, mind you.
Furthermore, the pre-Valentine's Day panic instills a fear so intense into men, women and children that we end up panic buying the most outrageous of items.
Plan ahead this year and get them something they'd truly adore, like the following 12...
1. Erotic slippers
Nothing says I fancy you like fuzzy genital accessories for your feet.
2. An asymmetric man thong
Note: the only way this present can be saved is if you buy them a holiday to go on with said thong.
3. A personalised magazine cover
Set yourselves in perma-glossy territory.
4. A sexy mug
Put it all out there on a mug handle.
5. Ask me about my zombie disguise t-shirt
Has your other half been working out? Show them you've noticed with this feast for the senses.
6. Mullet on the go
Does your other half miss the '80s? Do they wish to be a free spirit at the weekend but also a baller on weekdays? Then this is the gift for you.
Mullet on the go is a one stop party for your head, and for all of those around you.
7. A 2-carat cup
Are they looking to settle down, but you're just not that sure? Hold them off for another little while with a wedding ring cup. That's sure to make them love you more.
8. Horse face wedding cake toppers
Is Valentine's Day your anniversary? Perfect!
Time to get weird.
7. Wilson Volleyball from 'Castaway'
Is your mate forever alone? Change them by hooking them up with their very own Wilson from Castaway!
Disclaimer: expect either slaps or sobbing.
8. This Prince greeting card
Because if you're too shy to tell someone how you feel, Prince is always there to do it for you.
9. A Kama Sutra biscuit Ccutter
Yes, these exist.
10. Crocheted underwear
Ill-fitting, ill-feeling and generally all just a bit much.
And, think it's all just for girls? Think again...
11. This necklace on which there are dinosaurs having sex
Aptly named 'Lucky Bones'.
12. And finally, these heart mittens
How have you gone on so long without them?
READ NEXT: 11 Alternative Valentine’s Day Gifts
Is there ever such thing as a Kardashian Koincidence? We chat about celebrity "leak" culture on this week's Before Brunch podcast below. Subscribe here