A marriage is all about compromise.
While new research shows that getting, staying and being married is one of the best things you can do for yourself, it's also obviously a lot of work, and can be quite a difficult endeavour.
Keeping both of you happy is as important to you as it is to them, however, sometimes trying too hard not to kick up a fuss is also damaging.
So what are the two most common reasons people find themselves in a bit of a marriage fix?
Conflict-avoidance and a ‘competition to always be right’.
Not many of us are fans of confrontation, with the majority of us often avoiding it - and it seems that our relationships are failing because of it. And as for competitive streaks... Well, that's definitely not surprising.
Explaining the theory, Peter Pearson, therapist and cofounder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California explains that for conflict-avoidance, people are motivated by fear:
For both people, the emotional risk of speaking up outweighs the potential benefit of bringing things up to the surface and working through them.
You contort yourself to be acceptable to your partner so they won't reject you or leave you. Each person compromises their wishes, their desires, their identity - the things that make them themselves.
For those who are in a ‘competition to always be right’, Pearson adds that there’s often a control battle at stake, including “lots of finger-pointing and blaming.”
Basically, the keys to a solid relationship is open communication and working together. Seems easy in theory, but often difficult in practice.
So less acting like you're on side-by-side treadmills, and more like you're both on the same team.