The fear of flying is a both a crippling and an annoying phobia that grips over 30% of people across the world. Due to flying being the optimum mode of travel (come on, no one likes ferries), the fear of being airborne is something a lot of people have to try their best to deal with.
And that doesn't come easy when you have twits for mates who stick their foot in their mouth like it's going out of fashion.
Please, God, you don't have to deal with any of these profanities just before you fly...
1. ''Statistically, you are 19 times safer in a plane than in a car...''
Oh. Thanks. You know, nobody's ever quoted that statistic at me before, and now that you've uttered it I'm FUCKING CURED.
2. ''You know, you're only likely to spontaneously combust within the first 20 minutes of take off and the last 20 minutes before landing.''
Oh, grand then.
3. ''Chill out...''
Oh, why didn't I think of that?
4. ''It's all in your head''
No it's not; it's all up in the sky. IN THE FUCKING SKY.
5. ''I can 100% cure you, sit beside me''
Your funeral, mate.
6. ''The chances of an accident are one in 11 million...''
So, you're saying there's a chance?!
7. ''Why don't you take a sleeping pill?''
Because if something happens I WANT TO BE ALERT, OKAY.
8. ''Don't worry, the most dangerous part is take-off''
Unless you're aware of some form of flying that doesn't involve take-off, then this comment is of zero assistance to me whatsoever.
9. ''What part do you hate the most?''
You, at this stage.
10. ''Get over it.''
Oh, okay then.
11. ''It's stupid, you can't do anything about it''
Great, I feel tonnes better.
12. ''Your fear is irrational''
Oh yeah, well how's your fear of spiders working out for you?!
13. ''They never did find that Malaysian Airlines flight did they?''
No, which is why I firlmly and genuinely believe that they are all still alive in the sky, just a little bit lost.