Lets be real, hitting your 20’s you’re expected to tick off a lot of steps in the life department: move out, go to college, get a job, the usual.
However, one thing that has struck me by surprise as I’m getting older is that there is still a huge emphasis on being someone’s other half.
This realisation came about quite recently when I attended a wedding and happened to be put at a table with six girls, who were all in relationships. During the meal, each person took their turn to talk about their significant other and how loved up they were. When all this was said and done I felt all eyes veer in my direction, as I had very obviously been keeping quiet. I had been waiting for the inevitable, unavoidable question:
“What about you? Are you in a relationship?”
For me the answer is no.
Like many others I just haven’t come across “the one” and before this I had never seen that as something to be ashamed of.
Usually the conversation on said topic ends pretty quickly after that answer, yet on this occasion one of the girls decided to pry. She began by saying “oh I’m sorry to hear that” and followed up by questioning why this could be. I felt a flush of red race to my cheeks and at that moment I felt single-shamed for the very first time.
Since then, it has been difficult not to notice on a daily basis.
Single-shaming is pretty much what it says on the tin, making someone feel inadequate because they’re not in a relationship.
According to Parship.ie there are 1.2 million single people in Ireland, with 700,000 of them seeking a relationship.
So why is it that more than half of the single population of this country feel pressure to pair up?
Rachel Hills, author of The Sex Myth, believes “being in a relationship is a stamp of social approval, not being in one is considered a sign that something is amiss.” It feels almost inappropriate to be single, as if you aren’t following the prescribed path that has been set in place for you by society.
How is it that in a modern, accepting and progressive Ireland, something as simple as being independent is such an issue with people?
Of all things, choosing to be alone or to wait for the right person, rather than being with someone you don’t love, is something that really shouldn’t have a stigma attached to it.
After all, being single has lots of benefits. Waiting a little bit longer to settle down has proven to make you less likely to get a divorce and more likely to go further in your career. It gives you time to focus on your own goals and learn about what you want to get out of life.
If you, your family member or friend is single, so what?
It’s time to take a stand against single-shaming and let go of the negative connotations linked to the single life. If you’re ever in the situation, the trick is to deflect the conversation to something positive in your life, maybe work, travel, family or friends. There is nothing wrong with being single and there is certainly no reason to be embarrassed about it, let people see that.
For me, I like to remember that I have created my own lifestyle and happiness; when I find the right person they will be an extension to that rather than a purpose. So until then, I’m going to enjoy being single and reject single-shaming.
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