12 Things Irish People Living Abroad Definitely DON’T Miss

conorcoyle

Having spent the majority of my recent years living outside the Emerald Isle, there are certain things you start to miss when it comes to home.

A good pint of stout for one, or a Sunday trip to the chipper. The list goes on.

However, if you were to ask many of our famed diaspora what they DON’T miss about Ireland, I’m fairly confident that the list would be as long as your arm.

Well, obviously depending massively on the length and breadth of your arm of course.

So, here’s 13 things that Irish people living abroad certainly love waving goodbye to at Dublin Airport.

1) The weather

Yep, you all guessed number one correctly, give yourself a little pat on the back. Unsurprisingly, most people hate Ireland’s fairly depressing weather. Plenty of clouds and plenty of rain. Not even the good rain either, the little shite rain that is just heavy enough to piss you off when combined with a little wind.

2) The closing times

It is fairly baffling that we are known as a nation of alcoholics, yet a large proportion of pubs will close before 1am, and if you’re lucky you’ll find a club that opens to 3am. Countries with much less of a drink problem than us can open later and drink more, why God why?

3) The fact that the whole parish knows what you eat for breakfast

The ‘tight-knit community’ has various advantages but you can wave goodbye to any idea of a private life.

“Sharon Curley’s up the pole did ya hear?”

4) Public transport

Live anywhere outside Dublin? You’ll be delighted to get a miserable bus driver, at least he actually turned up.

5) The smell of slurry

Fancy a little picnic in the great outdoors on that annual day of sunshine? How about getting the washing done with one of those nice scented washing powders? Hell no, farmers ain’t got no time for that.

6) Getting stuck behind cows on the way to work/school/anywhere

The road is blocked for an hour and then you have to drive over a dozen cowpats.

And then after that you have to go to work? Feck.

7) The politicians

Admittedly, politicians get a pretty bad rap in most countries but it’d be hard to find more aggravating bunch than those in the Dail or in Stormont.

We’re owed €13bn in unpaid taxes? No, no, no, no, there must be some sort of mistake.

8) Mrs Brown’s Boys

Seriously, how do people actually find this funny?

9) The price of rent and pints

And milk, bread, the paper, the groceries, a packet of fags, chewing gum, Freddo bars. I could go on.

10) Good Friday

This year will be the first year that you can drink on Good Friday, meaning that Irish abroad can no longer be smug about having a pint of Guinness in the local while everyone at home rushes to the off license.

11) The Late Late Show

To be fair, we do miss giving out about it though.

12) Negativity

There’s a certain amount of irony in compiling a list complaining about certain things, and then complaining about other people complaining, but boy do we like a good gripe.