Ah, Stephen’s night. The one time a year when pretty much everyone is home in the town where they grew up, and they’ve nothing else to do but get absolutely banjoed.
You might be tempted to stay in, but there’s no way you’re missing the social event of the year – and all the awkward moments that come with it.
Here are 9 things that always happen on St Stephen’s night.
1. Your parents nag you about going out
“Ah now, would you not just stay in and watch Home Alone with us?”
Sorry mam, I’m afraid that’s not possible. Oh, and you’re going to have to get dressed and give me a lift as well…
2. You’re carrying a massive food baby
After (at least) two days of serious indulgence, chances are you’re feeling more than a bit bloated.
Put on your loosest pants and power through.
3. You see all the people you don’t want to see
Including your arch-enemy from school, your ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend. Ugh.
4. Everyone is absolutely plastered
You’re probably in a place you’re very familiar with and have nothing important to do the next day. It’s an ideal time to make a complete fool out of yourself.
5. You shift someone you shouldn’t
If you’re single and from a small town, you’ll probably end up shifting your ex, your younger brother’s mate or someone else similarly embarrassing.
Hopefully no-one will remember…
6. Someone gets in a fight
All the pubs are packed, people are drunk and old tensions can resurface.
It’s fun to watch as long as you’re not involved…
7. The takeaways are jammers
In the harsh light of the local chipper, everyone looks demonic.
Fights often happen here too, as people cut the queue and insult each other for no reason. Legends.
8. It’s impossible to get a taxi
If you’re heading home at the same time as everyone else, you’re pretty much doomed to stand in the cold as endless taxis pass you by.
You know it was a good night when you get a lift home with the Gardaí
— Jamie Doogan (@jamie_doogan) August 28, 2016
9. You pray no-one is awake when you get home
Cue trying to make as little noise as possible when you come in so no-one will see you in your shameful state.
If your siblings/parents were also out, though, you might get away with minimal judgement.
And of course, you’ll do it all again next year.
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