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03rd Jan 2024

Weights in the middle aisle and the laptop opening sound of doom – 8 signs that Christmas is truly over

Fiona Frawley

still from eastenders, which shows ian beale crying to phil mitchell

There was a collective shudder yesterday morning between 8:30 and 9am as computers across the country bleated out the dreaded start up sound, signifying the end of the festive period.

The start of the new year can evoke a varied response, depending on your disposition.

Some have the Christmas decorations boxed up and put away before the clock strikes 12 on New Years Eve, more than ready to dust off the cobwebs and dive headfirst into a schedule of brisk walks, juicing and general resolution-keeping. For the vast majority of us, things are a bit different.

As we drag ourselves away from the last of the selection boxes and undertake the impossible task of locating the laptop charger, here are 8 signs that Christmas is well and truly over.

There’s gym equipment in the middle aisle

Or at least, there was. Aldi got ahead of the curve and launched their fitness range with active wear, gym balls, weights and more on Dec 31st. We’d imagine it’s all sold out already as hopefuls rush to procure the stock they need to make new years resolutions a reality. Check your local store, if you’re so inclined.


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The mere thought of turkey turns your stomach

We’ve had enough Christmas sambos to last a lifetime. I may be able to ease myself back into stuffing sometime around April.

Your glittery red Christmas mani is on its last legs

And there’s not a shellac appointment to be had in the country, as we desperately try to file away the remnants of the festive season.


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The gym selfies are out in full force

Accompanied by sweaty-but-smug smiling faces and “New Year, New Me” captions. The stuff of nightmares, truly.


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Spinach is sold out in every supermarket

And destined to rot away unopened in the crisper drawers of fridges across the country.

You’re broke before the month has even hit double digits

The cruel countdown to your January paycheque commences now.

You’ve heard the words ‘strategy’ and ‘look ahead’ 20 times already and it’s only 11am

Morning zooms on the first day back after Christmas should be banned, for the sake of our collective well-beings.

You’ve already looked into booking a trip for the Brigid’s Day weekend

It falls on 5th Feb, btw. The time to start planning is now.

It’s going to be a long month, whatever way you look at it. Solidarity to all.

Header image via BBC 


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