The 9 Songs Whose Meanings You Do Not Want To Explain To Your Mam
"Honey, what's a wrist icicle?"
This may sound old-fashioned, but we were, quite frankly, shocked when we discovered what Ariana Grande's Side to Side was really about (a woman who's walking funny after a day of lovin').
And we got to thinking – there are so many songs you can just never listen to in front of your parents, in case they look up from the Crosaire and go, "What's this about anyway?"
1. Ariana Grande, Side to Side
2. Britney Spears, If U Seek Amy
Just say the name of the song, out loud, over and over until it makes sense. See?
3. Fleetwood Mac, Tusk
Who knew this classic song was so dirty? Well, apparently "tusk" is a euphemism for, well, we're sure you can guess.
4. Spice Girls, 2 Become 1
"Be a little bit wiser, baby, put it on." At least they were advocating safe sex, right?
5. TLC, Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg
This is one of those times when you'll be so glad that your parents can't seem to make out a single word of American rap, because: "I like it when you kiss both sets of lips." Shudder.
6. The Beatles, Ticket to Ride
Chances are, no one's mammy is going to be asking about this one because, sure, it's about a girl who got a new car. Actually, it's about a girl who got cleared to become a prostitute, but she doesn't need to know that now, does she?
7. The Beautiful South, Perfect 10
Okay, well colour us shocked, because we'd never really listened to these lyrics, but, eh: "If he's extra large well I'm in charge, I can work this thing on top. If he's XXL well what the hell, every penny don't fit the slot." Christ.
8. Khia, My Neck, My Back
Now – okay, so you'd have to be deaf, or a toddler, not to understand what this is about. But this is one of those horrifying songs that your Mam will overhear and go, "did that just say...?!" Yes, Mother, yes it did.
9. Lady Gaga, Poker Face
Okay, so this one would be grand to explain to a parent – "Mam, it's about Lady Gaga being bisexual and having to hide it in front of her fella" – and probably worth doing. Go on, put it on there and broaden your mam's horizons.
Is there ever such thing as a Kardashian Koincidence? We chat about celebrity "leak" culture on this week's Before Brunch podcast below. Subscribe here