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03rd Aug 2021

The basic B’s guide to Love Island episode 31

Fiona Frawley

Last night we watched apprehensively from behind a pillow as our worst fear seems to be slowly but surely coming to fruition – every one of these girls is going to take these boys back.

There’s a tiny bit of hope that Kaz and Millie might stay strong, but we wouldn’t be betting on it at Cheltenham let’s just say.

We’ll start off with Toby, because the one thing we can rely on in this life is his lifelong commitment to chaos. I appreciate it tbh, his system is actually very simple: to like a girl, he needs to get with another girl, then move house and get with another girl, then pump some cartoon sized weights and eventually circle back to the OG girl a short 12 days later. His realisation comes just in time as Chloe has friend-zoned Dale, and we assume she and Toby will be reunited at the re-coupling.

Elsewhere, Tyler reassured Kaz that he was still interested in her. And by reassuring her I mean he told her he was 60% leaning towards “herself” and 40% Clarisse. I struggle to actually be annoyed with him because I feel like he’s not actually an islander, he’s a leaving cert business teacher. When he talks about grafting both Kaz and Clarisse it sounds like he’s working his way through Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – he literally replied “in layman’s terms” when Kaz told him he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. Genuinely, any time he speaks I feel like he’s reading from a training sheet for people who sell car insurance. It’s bizarre.

It was also a sad day for the Irish as Kaz let Matt know she’d be getting to know Tyler, and then got annoyed he wasn’t kissing and cuddling her in bed. We fear his days may be numbered, unless Toby decides to set his sights on him next.

Our saving grace and true winners are Faye and Teddy, who have found their way back to one another and are out on the day beds shifting away as the mosquitos continue to feast on them. Alexa, play Reunited by Peaches and Herb.

In the background, Liam has been slowly but surely digging away at Millie’s restraint via texts, letters and half-arsed compliments. We really do fear the worst for those two – I honestly don’t know if I can live in a world where she takes him back, but I don’t think I’ll have a choice in the matter.

The preview showed us there’d be a re-coupling tomorrow, with the girls choosing. I assume the re-coupling will take place over two or possibly three episodes as there are enough girls in there to put on a production of Annie at the moment.

Header image via Instagram/Love Island 

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