The basic B’s guide to Love Island episode 27

Fiona Frawley

We witnessed a crime last night.

After the antics we’ve seen from the boys in Casa Amor thus far, we were chomping at the bit for that postcard to be delivered. The girls needed the truth, and enough of a window to graft 6 foot 6 men from Belfast in.

The producers would have had their pick of stills to copy and paste onto the postcard, there have been ample instances of the boys taking the ‘lads holiday’ mentality to new and scary extremes. And despite all that, they decided to shaft… Teddy?? Teddy, who’s been sleeping inside a giant wicker onion every night and is coupled up with Faye, who has the most potential for violence out of all the contestants in Love Island’s history? Make it make sense, please.

We started off the evening with one of Clarisse and Tyler’s many chats. They say they have chemistry, but all I hear is them listing off treatments from what sounds like the worst spa in the world:

Back scratch – €15
Back scratch with nails – €18
Pillow talk – €25
A cuddle – €30
*Some* cuddles – Price on request

Next we saw Faye disclosing her doubts about her relationship with Teddy, suggesting that he could be too calm, not fiery enough. The consensus on Twitter and in my heart was that she’s just trying to find a way out in case he hurts her by coming back with someone else. If he recouples, in her head at least she can say “well I always thought you were boring anyway”. But Faye has nothing to worry about, Teddy’s out camping every night counting down the minutes until they’re reunited. Is it too late for me to sign up as a bombshell so I can get in there and tell her?

TEDDYS BEEN SLEEPING OUTSIDE!! TEDDYS BEEN SLEEPING OUTSIDE!!😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #loveIsland pic.twitter.com/rXo0Wfqj3j

— AJEL (@xx_alyssia) July 28, 2021

Toby has been cracking on with Mary, at this stage they’ve spent two nights together making it his longest relationship ever. We’re made up for him.

We saw more of Liam fishing for likes from Lillie – “how did you feel when I snogged you?” “are you surprised I was attracted to you?” I’m getting the sense he thinks compliments are legally binding contracts, because he certainly doesn’t give them out for free.

What is with lads being like “do you get nervous around me? Are you giddy around me?”

Excuse me? Maybe tell them they make you giddy. Tell them how nervous they make you! Show some goddamn vulnerability FFS! #LoveIsland

— Shawna – Smut Peddler in Chief of Sex Siopa (@SexSiopa) July 28, 2021

To be honest, they might as well shift at this point, I don’t know why he’s holding back. The damage has been done, Millie’s Sagittarius necklace has been left rotting in a drawer like the forgotten Toy Story toys and our hearts are already broken.

Liam makes me so angry I could just-#LoveIsland pic.twitter.com/xiNoB7Joaq

— Oatmeal (@OatmealDocx) July 28, 2021

I’ll fast forward through all the chat about tests and Chloe’s graft with Dale (as enjoyable and unproblematic as it is to watch), and get straight to the goods.

The main villa received a postcard with evidence of some of the Casa Amor shenanigans. Some being the operative word. We’re delighted Kaz found out the truth about Tyler before it was too late, as awful as it was to see her so upset. There was a lot of talk on Twitter about how they’d only been together a day which is technically true but to be fair, he really sold her the dream in that time. He told her he was all about her, had no interest in anyone else and highly doubted his head would turn, now it’s gone 360 quicker than in the original Exorcist. Liberty was visibly shaking with anger after seeing Kaz hurt, and Millie said that while she’s upset for the girls, she feels she doesn’t have much reason to be angry as Liam’s not been too bad. It’s too sad, we can’t watch.

I’m generally confused at the choice to include that picture from Teddy. Why do the producers hate love?? There better be a second postcard on its way in, otherwise they’ll have a band of angry fans pooling their money and organising a sky writer to fly over the villa bearing the words: “Teddy’s been sleeping outside!!”

There was one good outcome from the postcard, Kaz had the opportunity to move on with hunky Matthew. I know Ireland won an olympic gold medal last night, but I still consider this kiss the greatest victory our country has seen this week.

#LoveIsland
Kaz to Kaz after that postcard landed in the villa pic.twitter.com/rmXgwoGLSR

— Dionne Grant (@DionneGrant) July 28, 2021

As if we hadn’t suffered enough during the episode, we also had to see Hugo get the shift. I tried to be happy for him, gave it the best go I could but how can I be happy for someone who pulls away from a kiss and says “job done”??? Unforgivable. As we know from her intro, Amy’s a performer. This coupling is going to be a serious test of her skills, I can already see the terror in her eyes every time he leans in.